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Friday, September 15, 2006
Reminiscence>On impulse, i clicked on Hong Lou Meng - the recording we did during enCOre and i realised how much i loved, love Chinese Orchestra.
The music, the feeling, the pure rush of emotions and adrenaline. The height of emotions that can be distinctly felt in the music and i realize what is missing.
This is.
This rush of emotions.
This passion.
This wonderful wonderful feeling.
I want to play again.
Not just with Kurenai, but with the orchestra. The practice, the music, the making faces at people sitting opposite you, the poking people awake and the countless amounts of sweets. The dismayed feeling that settles in the pit of your stomach as you realize that you simply cannot understand what the conductor is trying to say. And of course, the getting lost in the scores, the out of tunes, the screeching and my dearest partner playing cute silly songs silently to stave off the boredom as the conductor concentrates on some other section.
I love it.
I miss it.
It is beautiful and it is such a wonderful experience.
The sweaty palms. The cold fingers. The nervousness and excitment as you're faced with the stagelights. The flipping of scores. The changing of scores. The timing. The shrill pitch of the dizi. The melodious melodious gaohu that they make seem effortless.
I love it.
I want it.
I even miss the politics, if only because life is never perfect and imperfection is a form of perfection in itself. And the constant teasing. And the "cannot make it"s that always seem to come my way.
It all comes down to nostalgia i guess.
The grass here is sweet.
But the grass there is beautifully lush and green and the lingering sweetness will never go away.
The people.
The teachers.
All the crappy stupid stuff we faced.
The tears.
The laughter.
The wonder of it all.
It's different - performing on stage and sitting down in the audience and just passively listening. There is no rush, no heightened emotions, no adrenaline. No passion.
And that is what is missing.
For now at least.
I should go, for biz law is waiting. # posted by blade | 11:15 PM
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Friday, September 01, 2006
Distance>Distance
Distance - it was like a huge gaping hole between them that could never be breached. He because he could not reach her, and she because she would not reach out.
It was something that would remain between them forever. That icy dark gap between them - something intangible and yet so very real.
He could almost feel it, taste it - in her speech, actions and every little thing she did, and it frustrated him so much that that gap was there.
That damned distance was there and he could never get her, hold her and be allowed to love her.
And that was why when he stumbled onto the deck and saw her reaching out to the stars, leaning against the metal rail with dried tear tracks on her cheeks, he could only hide in the corner and watch her.
Always watch her and make sure she would never fall too far such that she would be unable to climb back up again.
As he always did.
As he always will do.
She stepped back from the rail, the wistfulness she always portrayed no longer present in her features and he melted into the deep shadows.
She would never know that he was always watching her.
Watching her as she went back into her dorm, he knew, with a certainty - that the next day he saw her, the tear tracks would have been long gone and that the shadows of darkness would have faded, only to surface again at night.
He wondered if she ever knew of the distance between them, large and gaping, and the fact that he would never be able to breach it - not alone.
He would probably never know.
(c) blade 2006
Hm...a sleep deprived brain always ends up with me coming up with such twisted, complicated stuff. Rather dark material though, don'cha think? # posted by blade | 10:26 AM
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~ The Artist ~
iced_blade
~ Her Favorites ~
Anime
Writings
Any animal that isn't a reptile...oh yeah, and no frogs and insects
~ Loves ~
Titan, Kiki and Sparkles~
Cute Kawaii Bishounen!(Like Narumi from Gakuen Alice) or bad-ass anime heros like Natsume-kun! and Neji! (Funny how both their surnames are Hyuuga. Hahaz)
~ Loathes ~
Stupid, helpless people who think they're so smart. Argh, i can go on and on. But then again, what's the point in doing so right? Their insignificance isn't even worth mentioning here.
~ Wishlist ~
Confidence, Decisiveness and Courage. And of course, for my inspiration and affinity with spelling to come back to me!!
* Archives *
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
December 2006
Guess what?! I decided to put all the quiz results here! hahaz. just for fun.
What Spiral: Suiri no Kizuna character are you?
You are Kanone Hilbert. Despite a pleasant and friendly demeanor, the expected fate of the Blade Children along with lonliness has warped him, letting dark feelings overtake his soul. Of all of the Blade Children, he is perhaps the most dangerous because he all but given up on hope and earnestly desires the others to adopt the path of darkness and destruction. Because of this his is quite ruthless and willing to place innocents in danger and even his friends if it suits his goals.
Take this quiz!
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Squeal! Isn't he cute?
What's your sexual appeal?
er...okay. So that's me...
Which Final Fantasy VII Advent Children character are you? Movie pics!
Cloud...er...ookay~~
And here i thought i'll be more of a Yuffie.
Haha
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